Nevermore
by Angels inthe Sky
Summary: Gaz finds out that Zim has been deactivated. What's worse is finding out who did it. Gaz is haunted by shadows and memories of her Irken, as she despratly finds a way to be reunited with him again. ZAGR!
1. Deactivation

So first off I'd like to say.. "Hi!" and Thanks for taking the time to read... Second off I'd like to introduce this as a songfic. It was inspired by the song "Even in Death" By: Evanescence...one of my favorite bands ever! This story is relativly distubing at some parts O.o so I'm warning you now. It was a pleasure to write this...and I sincerly hope you enjoy it,

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**_PROLOUGE_**

***Flashback***

Rain poured from the sky, burning my skin. I tried not to wince from the pain as I stood in-front of my enemy.

"Never, Zim," the boy said. "I said NEVER."

Lightning flashed, reflecting off of his round glasses, so you couldn't see his eyes. His hand shot up and pushed me roughly back down. I didn't fight back- no, I couldn't fight back. I had not the capibility to hurt someone belonging to _her._ I loved _her._ I knew this was going to end badly...but according to religion on this planet, I would see her again someday. My only hope was that this 'religion' was based on fact.

"You're EVIL. I HATE YOU!" Dib screamed at me. "MY SISTER...My. Own. SISTER. YOUR NERVE"

Lying in the mud, I said nothing. It's not as if I asked for this. I closed my eyes and braced my self as he kicked me repeatedly on the ground. I did nothing but suffer through. I didn't even want to do anything. The leaders I had so dutifully worshipped, abandoned me...and now I was about to loose the one thing in this world that mattered to me.

Dib jumped on top of me, pinning me down. I opened my bright, ruby, eyes at him. I waited for him to deliver the final blow. To just put an end to this. In my dreams I'd be with Gaz. And We'd be together forever. He pulled his fist back. The moment dragged on and I tried to remember all of the times I'd spent with her. The way her eyes sparkled when I admitted I'd loved her.

Suddenly I felt his fist connect with my face...and then...blackness.

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**Chapter One **

**Meanwhile...**

I couldn't sleep. Nightmares of death plagued my sub-conscious mind. I sat up in bed and shivered. Suddenly, I heard the front door slam shut and violent, hurried foot-steps retreat to Dib's room. I glanced over at the clock. It was 2:30. What the hell was Dib doing just getting home at 2:30? I didn't think much of it. I assumed he was out hunting vampires. Maybe he was just pissed because he didn't catch any. The thought amused me and I drifted into sleep.

The shrill ringing of my cell phone woke me up suddenly. I sat and listened to my ringtone. It was called "Even in Death" by Evanescence, one of my favorite bands. I remembered awhile back getting Zim hooked on Evanescence. He liked the lyrics.

Thinking of Zim, I wondered if it was him calling now. I hadn't heard from him all night. My heart pounded at the thought of just talking to him. I checked my caller ID. It was an unknown number. I answered anyway.

"What," I said curtly.

"Gaz," Zim's computer said.

"Computer? How'd you get my number...Wait. That doesn't matter. Have you seen Zim?"

"You mean...he's not with you?"

"No. Why?"

"That's why I was calling...no-one has seen Zim since last night...I had wondered if maybe..." I was getting worried. I looked outs my window, rain drops raced down the window pane.

"No. He isn't with me. Did he say where he was going?"

"He just got up and left," Computer said. "No warning or instructions for me or Gir"

I narrowed my eyes.

"I'm going to look for him"

"I'll come too, I guess" The computer said, back to it's lazy self.

The computer followed behind me as a small floating screen as we walked silently through the woods, along with Gir who was paying no attention to the search what-so-ever. I watched as the small robot effortlessly climb a tree, pretending to make his rubber piggy fly. Does he have any concern for Zim? Does he even wonder where he went? Gir was a mystery. No-one could ever figure out what he was thinking.

The computer, Gir, and I trudged through mud and leaves for a couple of hours. My eyes grew heavy and I was dragging my feet. I checked my watch. 1:30, it said. We had left the house around 11. Quietly he screen behind me started to make small, slow, beeping noises. I turned around. Then It stopped. I faced forward and continues to search, looking for anything shaped like Zim. The slow, beeping started again.

"Will you cut that obnoxious beeping noise out?" I said, annoyed.

"Shhhh!" The computer shushed me. I rolled my eyes. "I'm picking up a small Irken signal in this area, now be quiet."

I was annoyed at being told what to do, but complied because it ment finding Zim. As we trudged east the beeping noise rapidly increased...We walked foreward some more until I saw a small mound. I ran to it as fast as I could. I bent down beside it. The heap was muddy and covered with leaves. I smoothed some of the leaves back, revealing Zim's green face. Suprised I gasped. I found his hand. It was smooth...and very, very cold.

"COMPUTER!" I screeched.

I laid Zim's in my lap as the small screen quickly dodged over. A red light appeared from the bottom of the screen and scanned Zim's body. I couldn't speak. I only stroked his antennae as the computer completed his scan. I'd sent Gir home a half-hour ago, so he wouldn't rust in the moist weather. I drifted in and out of a dream-like state, losing track of space and time. I couldn't bear it if Zim was taken from me. I wouldn't let that happen. Never. Never. Never.

"Gaz,?" the computer questioned. I looked up and was released from my trance.

"Are you finished?" I asked.

"Gaz, I'm sorry."

"What do you mean your sorry?"

"He's been deactivated..."

"Well then re-activate him" I said simply, my heart beating faster.

" I can't. I don't have the the necessary technology on Earth"

My heart beat drowned out the rest of the world. I couldn't speak and I couldn't cry. I could only continuously stoke his antennae gently. I stood up slowly.

_Never. Never. Never. Never._ I repeated in my head. _Never. Never. Never_

"Go home, Gaz" The computer said.

I nodded, feeling my eyes glaze over. I don't remember forming any sort of thought on the way home.

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**Hiya! Hoped you enjoyed that chapter...there is certainly more coming. I have finished this story, but I've broken it down into "chapters". Originally it was one...very long story. It's about 6 chapters now...and another warning: it does get...kinda of creppy/ disturbing. If you've never heared the song 'Even in Death' by: Evanescence...listening to it would give you a big hint, as to what is coming in the future ;) See Ya!**

**~Angels inthe Sky~**


	2. Shadows

**Here I am! Back with the next chapter... It 12:16am at the moment and I probably won't be falling asleep anytime soon :( Major Insomniac! **

**Anyways! This chapter is only very, mildly creepy :)  
I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews, and the favorites, and the story alerts and whatnot...I write for you guys! Oh and because I forgot to do this on the first chapter...**

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Invader Zim, or Evanescence...or the song :( **

**Thanks! And Now...WE BEGIN! ^_^**

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I trudged in the door passing Dib, who was eating in the kitchen. I saw that his right hand was bandaged, but I didn't acknowledge it.

"Gaz!" He said. "What were you doing out?" I ignored him and walked up the stairs into my room.

My room was dark, but my eyes adjusted quickly. I lay down in bed and settled under the covers. Was I being punished? Why did Zim have to die, if I was being punished. My head swarmed with questions

_What Happened?_ I asked myself. _Why?_ But I didn't really want to know.

Dib went out, about an hour later. He came back in about 20 minutes and dissapeared into his room.

_If I was nicer to people, could Zim have lived? _

Suddenly a shadow danced on the corner of my vision. I turned my head and saw nothing. It's the stress getting to me, I told myself. Normal. But my life was definatly anything but normal. I was in love with an alien, for crying out loud. I breathed in deeply. The shadow, again, darted just out of my vision. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes.

My door began to creak and It slowly opened. My brother peeked in the door and whispered my name.

"I'm awake" I croaked. I didn't even care about him being in my room. He came in and sat down on my bed.

"What's wrong, Gaz? You've been up in your room all day. You haven't eaten anything. You must be starving come downstairs and I'll make you pizza."

"Not hungry."

"Not even for pizza?" He picked my GameSlave off my bed-side table. "What if I buy you a few new games for your GameSlave?"

"Just go away." I said and turned over...I didn't want to talk to anyone...I just wanted to think.

"Seriously, Gaz. What's wrong"

I sat up. "You want to know what's wrong, Dib? Zim is dead, Dib. Your freaking mission to expose him or whatever is over, because he's gone. I loved him...Dib. I think I really did. The one thing in the world that mattered to me is gone. Someone has taken him from me. Now Get. Out." With no expression he got up and left.

Again I saw the shadow out of the corner of my eye. Was I noticed most about the shadow, was it's 2 antennae.

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**Thanks for reading everyone! I hope you have a good Night/Day/Evening/Morning! And because I like you... here is a wonderful homade muffin that I made just for _You!_ *Gives Muffin***


	3. Shallow Grave

**Hi, there! I'm back :) I just got home from school, and instead of doing homework like I should be, I decided to update a chapter! Procrastinators Unite!...tomorrow.**

**So anyway, This is where the song part comes in. Must I remind you, It is called "Even in Death" by Evanescence. Has anyone listened to it? :). Also, this is where some distubingness comes in...**

**What I'm portraying in this chapter is the question of insanity. Is Gaz really seeing Zim's ghost? Or is she just so overwhelmed with grief. Insanity would certainly explain what she does in this chapter, but is she really losing her mind? **

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It's been about a week since finding out about Zim's death. I've yet to go to school. I just don't have the energy to move anymore. Zim's computer hasn't contacted me since that day. Every time the phone rings my heart speeds up hoping that maybe the computer made a mistake...or he was just in a deep sleep.

I lie awake every night and listen to my breathing, waiting for the shadow with the antennae. Some nights it doesn't come and during those nights I cry myself to sleep, because I only ask for one glimpse of him.

Dib checks on me every so often. He never says much, though. My door opened a bit and Dib poked his head in for the third time today.

"Gaz, It's been a week. You can't go on like this...He's gone. I'm sorry."

I shut my eyes to block out his words.

"He was trying to destroy Earth, Gaz. I'm sure what you felt for him was only some...silly crush. Zim was only an alien."

I shot out of bed and grabbed Dib by his collar. "You look, Dib. Zim wasn't _just_ an alien. He was my friend. He looked out for me when you were gone. He listened to me when you were busy. And he loved me when I was never on your mind. This was not...'silly'"

I slammed him against the wall and let him go, returning to my bed. I closed my eyes and waited for the shadow.

**(**_**Give me a reason to believe that your gone. I see your shadow, so I know they're all wrong)**_

This time it came, but I saw more than just antennae...I saw Zim's eyes. His beautiful, ruby eyes staring back at me in the dark. I reached out for him and I watched as a gloved hand reached back. The image was gone before our hands could touch.

For the first time in weeks I got out of bed. I got dressed and pulled on my boots. I crept quietly downstairs so Dib wouldn't hear me. I looked at my watch. It was midnight exactly. Perfect, I thought. The walk to the woods was short, and I knew where I was going.

**(**_**The moonlight on the soft, brown Earth, it leads me to where you lay.)**_

It didn't take long to find the spot. The moon was shining directly on a small pile of dirt surrounded by a circle of trees. I crawled towards it my heart pounding. I came here for a reason, and I wasn't leaving without him.

_**(They took you away from me but, now I'm taking you home.)**_

Using my bare hands I moved away dirt, digging through the Earth. I didn't think about what I was doing. I only knew that I wanted to see him again. "I was lucky the computer buried him in the same spot he..." I stopped and realized I was talking to myself and laughed. For some reason the situation was so funny to me and I laughed some more. I laughed until my stomach hurt, then I got my-self together and continued digging.

Finally I found what I was searching for and grinned. He was buried in a small coffin-like box, that fit his size perfectly. He wore his Invader uniform still, and not a speck of dirt had soiled it.

I smiled, reminding myself he wasn't dead but deactivated but then my smile faltered, knowing that I still couldn't hear his voice, feel the touch of his lips on mine, and the gentle caress of his hand on my face. _Never, Never, Never. _I clenched my fist and lifted Zim from his box. He was light and easy to carry.

As I walked home with him in my arms, it started to pour. The rain soaked through my clothes and the bright lightning reflected off my eyes. I smiled and thought of how good it felt to have him in my arms again. So good.

When we got home, I placed him lightly in my bed, kissing his cheek, and sat down on the floor. Resting my arms on the side of the bed and my head on my arms. He looked so peaceful. It made me wonder if he could think or hear when he was deactivated. Was it like death, for a human?

When I was laying there thinking, I noticed the shadow again. I saw the antennae clearly this time. Deactivation must be more like death, I thought because I knew I was seeing Zim's ghost. I could feel it. Slowly, I drifted off to sleep on the floor, comforted knowing that Zim was _somewhere_ in the room with me.

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**So, what did you think? Is Gaz crazy? or Grief-ridden? What do YOU think deactivation is like! Thanks to those who have reviewed and favorited! I appreciate it! **


	4. Murderer

**So I just couldn't leave that chapter on such a crazy, ending. Yep...My phycotic, twisted mind strikes again. I apologize for any scars I've left on your poor brain... xD But on a less crazy note, here is the next chapter. **

**Again I bring about the question of insanity...I'll even answer it this time for ya. Is Gaz insane...Yes. :) **

***Spolier***

**It does get better :) **

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Morning came, and I was feeling much better. I was sore from sleeping on the floor, but otherwise well rested. I strected up and looked. Zim was still here next to me.

"Good Morning, Zim" I said. "It's been so long. Do you rember the last time we were together?"

He didn't reply. I was disappointed.

"You don't? I'll remind you." I climbed onto my bed and sat down next to him. "We were up here. In my room, listening to Evanescence. Do you remember the song? No? It was called 'Good Enough'. It's one of their only love songs, I think..." I trailed off because I heard footsteps approaching.

I covered up my Zim, so he wouldn't be noticed. I stood up as Dib peeked in my room, again.

"How ya feeling?" He asked, like he did every morning.

I looked down at his bandaged hand, and it clicked. While I was with Zim last night, I noticed he had a black,left eye. If Dib were to punch with his right hand, it would swing accross hitting Zim's left eye. I looked closer. Dib had no other bruises or marks except for the bandage on his hand. Meaning Zim hadn't fought back. _Never. Never._

I clenched my fists and narrowed my eyes. He took him. He took my Zim. Murder. MURDERER. I hate him. I hate him._ Never. Never. Never. Never._ I repeated in my head. _I thought I'd never hurt him._I shook with rage, but Dib could never tell.

"Get out." I said venomuosly. "GET. OUT. OF MY. ROOM"

"Feeling better, I guess." He stuttered. "I..uh..should..um.." He slipped out of my room. I grabbed a vase of dying flowers from my beside table and chucked them across my room. _**Never.**_

I'd made up my mind. I was going to stay with Zim. Under no circumstances would I leave. I sank to my knees. He wouldn't be hurt again. I remembered out hushed conversations. The notes we'd pass at school. Sometimes we'd say nothing at all. We'd just sit as he held me, gently stroking my hair. I sobbed into my knees. _Nevermore._

(_**I will stay forever here with you, My Love. The softly spoken words you gave me. Even in Death our love goes on)**_


	5. Never to Leave

**Hey! I'm back. I know I've been updating everyday, but I've been immensely stressed out the past couple of day. _Immensely!_ But here I am, updating a new chapter. So, first of all I have to get a few things straight.**

**As Invader Johnny has pointed out to me, Gaz is acting alittle OOC. And Yes. I agree. But, If you listened to the song, which I am basing the story on, you will see that what the person did, they did out of grief and insanity. So please excuse the OOCness! Sorry everyone! **

**Also, as Lily pointed out, it is _exactly_like a computer. Gaz's mind completely shut down and she dosn't realize what she's doing. **

**So I'm going to ask again if _anyone_has listened to the song? Or Evanescence? - Amazing Band. Okay. Now let's get to the story! yay!**

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(_**Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh, My love)**_

For days and days I refused to eat. Dib regularly slipped toast or pizza under my door but the plates only stacked up. Sometimes I became so hungry I forgot I was mad at him. But only sometimes and for _very, very_brief moments. The only people- person, that I talked to was Zim. I was so weak I could hardly move. I could only cling for dear life to Zim's hand. Hoping that one day I'd joing him...and we'd be together again, someday. **(A/N Evanescence refrence!)**

Again I heard footsteps approaching. I rarely bothered to cover Zim up anymore. Dib never opened my door anymore but when the door opened, my heart started, i tried to cover him up. Dib couldn't see. He'd be angry...so angry. I put as much as my body as I could infront of him, but Dib still saw. His eyes widened.

Dib rushed in my room grabbing my arm, dragging me away from the bed.

"NO" I cried "I PROMISED. I PROMISED HIM!" With a burst of adrenaline running through my system I broke free of Dib's grasp threw myself at Zim. I promised I wouldn't leave. _Never. I would never hurt him_.

(_**But no bonds can hold me from your side, oh, My Love)**_

I saw a glimpse of the shadow out of the corner of my eye. It gave me strength.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT" I screamed at him "YOU DID THIS" I pointed my finger at him, bony from a week, almost of not eating. "MURDERER". I sprang up pounding both my fists on his chest. "Your fault. You made me break my promise. My promise...my promise" Slowly the pounding became less severe and I sank down onto his lap.

"where did you find him"

"In the woods. You took him. You took him"

"Why? Why would you dig him up? His corpse is lying in your bed!"

(_**They don't know that you can't leave me. They don't hear you singing to me.)**_

But I wasn't listening. Behind him, was the shadow, but it no longer looked like one. It looked like my alien. The one I've been so desperate to see. It began to sing. I only the saw the shadow. I only heared the soft melody it sang to me. It was beautiful and soft. It filled my ears and I heard nothing else. Nothing but his voice and it soothed me. Wiped away my tears and anger with invisible hands. Wrapping me in the warmth of the song.

(_**I will stay forever, here with you, My love. The softly spoken words you gave me Even in Death our love goes on)**_It sang to me. Reaching out to me. I knew what It wanted. Compromise. Peace. With my brother...His very murderer.

(_**And I can't love you anymore than I do)**_ I continued my twisted duet.

Dib stopped stroking my hair looking in the area where I saw Zim. Confused, Dib saw nothing. But to me, he was clear as day. And I missed him. I just wanted to see him corporeal again. I curled inside myself, my head still resting on Dib's lap.

"Bring him back." I murmured, exhausted. "Bring. Him. Back." I knew he would try. I could feel it. Dib knows alot about the Irken technology. The computer wouldn't try because I don't think he really cares. But Dib's seen what this did to me.

Dib looked at me, tears filling his eyes. He kissed my cheek, and before I fell into a deep sleep I heard him whisper. "Okay, little sister. I'm so sorry. Never again" And then it was dark.


	6. Amor Vincit Omnia

**Hiya! I'm back with another chapter of my lovley story :) I'm so very, immensely sorry to report that this is the last chapter. :'( I had a great time writing for you guys, and checked my e-mail obsessivly because I just love, love, _love_, reviews! So for those who were there since the first day this was published, thanks for hanging on! I appreciate more than you will know.**

**Now, onto the introduction. This chapter will undoubtedly be...fluffy... because I just love a happy ending. Yes, even a person who had the dark mind to write this insanity, loves a happy ending. So here it is!**

**Also I would like to explain abit about the name of the chapter. It's called "Amor Vincit Omnia" Meaning: Love Conquers All. In context of the story, Love Conquers All...Even Death :)**

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I woke up. The light burned my eyes, for some reason I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulder. Lifted from my mind. Lifted from my soul. The world was blurry and I found it hard to move. I opened my eyes all the way and found I was in a hospital. The white walls were bland, but intimidating. No person likes to be in a hospital. The events over the past couple of days came rushig back to me, and I gasped remembering what I did and how I acted. I scowled at the thought of feeling weak. Soon, exhaustion overtook me, and I feel asleep again.

Hours later, I'd assume, I felt a short tug on my hair. It wan't hard, and it didn't hurt, but it certainly annyoed me. I swatted the hand away, not even bothering to see who it was.

I felt the tug again and sat up, opening my eyes. Immediately I felt dizzy, but overcame it anyway. When the world stopped spinning, I found I was staring into the eyes of the being I, so, longed to see again. Zim was back, somehow my stupid brother brought him back. The dizziness returned and my head swirled. Zim smiled at me and then frowned slightly noticing somthing was wrong.

I breathed his name. "Zim"

"Careful" he told me, a worried expression on his face, which was cleared of all wounds.

It felt so good to hear his voice. My head hurt and my stomach growled. Zim's antennae went up, telling me that he heard it. I couldn't stop looking at his face. I reached out for his hands. They were warm. I guided his hand to my cheek and he kissed my forehead.

"Eat, little Gaz. You almost starved."

He presented me with a plate of cafeteria macaroni. It was cold and didn't taste much like anything, but it filled me up. I was speechless, realizing all that I did...and now he's back. It seemed to easy.

"Sleep, my human" and kissed me gently.

"N-no!" I protested. I didn't want to wake up and have him be gone again, if this was a dream I never wanted to wake up.

"I promise I will be here when you wake up. And I'd never break my promise. _Never._" He said and winked at me. Making me, again, question my theory of deactivation and death.

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**Ah. Happy Ending, as I said. So, thanks for reading! I'll be on the lookout for songs that strike my inspiration :) Until then, I hope you enjoyed my fic! :)**

**~Angels inthe Sky**


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